Articles

• Frequently Asked Questions
• Aliens and Irishmen!
• Attack of the Plastic Patty's
• Beyond Green Beer and Leprechauns
• Celebrating the Saint of Ireland - St. Patrick
• Celtic Cats - Magical Mystery Purr!
• Celtic Love, nothing short of Epic!
• An Interview with a Faerie in the 21st Century
• Five Miracles of Storytelling
• Halloween, the Celtic American Holiday!
• Irish Standard Time
• Kerns + Galloglass. Scariest Team on Earth!
• One old Biddy you don't mess with
• The Problem with Fairies.... NEW!
• Saint Preserve Us
• Shaggy Dog Stories - a Celts best friend!
• St. Patrick's Day: A story of celebration and survival
• Storytelling for Kids
• A Tough Act To Follow - Mystic, Legend, Saint,… Patrick.
• Tying the Knot, Celtic Style

Kerns + Galloglass. Scariest Team on Earth!

Legends and Lore by True Thomas the Storyteller

I was performing at the Irish Fair in Pomona, this last St. Pats. (Kudos' to the Producers by the way. Great event!) And I ran into a family. Most of them were 6ft 2, or better, the whole family! After the usual questions as to why I was dressed strangely, we started talking about their Celtic heritage. In a few minutes, I had them pegged. They were descendants of the Kerns and Galloglass. They looked a bit confused and I related the following….

Take the Celts of ancient Ireland and Scotland. A culture where being a great warrior was not only necessary, but encouraged. The great warriors of that time were like the baseball or football players of today. The bards sang their exploits; everybody talked about them, and wanted them on their team. The Celtic culture of the time hinged on ritual combat, in particular, cattle raiding. For hundreds of years, one of the best ways to get a name for yourself was to either be a successful raider, or to stop one. Now during this time, there was a delicate balancing act. Commit too far, and any of the neighboring kings attack. Commit too little, and they think you are weak. So to keep the bloodshed to a manageable level, they encouraged a lot of "mano a mano" combat. The two warring parties would finally come to a river, and send their best warrior out, to fight to the death. This happened over, and over. So for hundreds of years, it could be said that Irish were breeding for battle fury! (In fact the word "Fury" comes derives from the word Furor, the word the Romans created to describe the battle frenzy of the Celts - but I digress.)

Then we get a visit from our friends Ole and Sven from the North. Big scary North Men, raised in the ice and cold, they had a mental outlook bleaker than the tundra in winter. (Honestly, their idea of heaven was chopping each other up all day, and partying all night, eternally. We Celts just skip to the partying!) Both cultures, battle oriented, big, protein fed (Norse mainly fish, Celts, pork and beef.) scary, scary warriors. The Vikings hit Scotland and Ireland, and join the fun. And speaking of fun, they set up colonies and join the gene pool.

Jumping forward a bit, the Normans come to Ireland. Normans, who are part Viking as well, dressed up in Armor and snotty French attitudes, come to claim their part of the blood soaked sod of Ireland. The Irish, busy fighting each other, have a real problem on their hands. The Normans have two big advantages. Their technology - like armored cavalry, using stirrups and lances, and early plate armor, is the M-1 tank of the time. And, the fact that the Irish have always had a problem working together. (I know, hard to believe!)

The Irish lords need help. And so they turn to their own scary folks - the Galloglass and the Kerns. Galloglach literally means "Foreign Soldier". These warriors are part Viking, part Celt (Pict, Irish, Scot), and for my money, the biggest, scariest, guys this planet has ever seen. They come out of the northern parts of Scotland and Ireland, the Hebrides, Isle of Man, and not truly accepted by either culture, the product of 100's of years of fighting, and finally they have a target. The Normans.
Now to complement the Galloglach, we have the Kerns. A Kern is a "local soldier, trickster, etc." The Kerns go way back in Irish culture. Fast, lightly armored, live off the land, and lethal with small javelins, axes, and bows. The Kerns are the destroyers, to the Galloglach battleships. They keep the Galloglach from being flanked, harassing the enemy and so on. They make for a good unit, called a Sparr, with 2 kerns, and 1 galloglach. 80 of them together were called a "Battle" or Corrughadh.

Imagine the battlefield - the Normans are rolling up the Irish Countryside when they see a body of men riding toward them. And then the men stop and get off their horses. Standing in a line, these giants are holding huge two-handed swords over 6ft long, great axes and are heavily armored as well. They don't seem to be going anywhere. The Normans prepare to charge, and as they do, the Kern and Hobilar (Light Irish Cavalry) start harassing, with small horses that handle the terrain much better. Screams and small spears fill the air. The Normans charge, and instead of running, the Galloglach step into the charge, and with the massive swords, take out the horses, and then move onto the riders. The Norman lord Fitzroy, said "I would rather be in a castle of bone, than a castle of stone, ever I face the Galloglass again"

For the next hundred years or so, the Gallowglass (the anglicized version of the name) are the heavyweight champions that decide the battles. Eventually, different tactics and gunpowder starts making a real difference on the battlefield. But the Gallowglass warriors start to adapt, and when the Irish and Scots are forced to become mercenary units, and leave their own country, they make their mark all over the world.

So, if you have some people in your family, either giant strapping lads or lasses, or deadly fast, very intense sorts, don't worry. Chances are you've got the legacy of the Galloglass and Kerns flowing through your veins. And that is a Celtic heritage indeed!

-True