SCA

Warning: Spoiler alert! There are articles here that have yet to be published elsewhere. All content copyrights belong to “True Thomas the Storyteller” (Robert Seutter) and/or the SCA. If you would like to re-publish these articles in your SCA newsletters, magazines, etc. please feel free to contact THL Thomas Whitehart (True) and he’ll be glad to help you.

• ABC-SCA, The SCA Alphabet Primer
• A Shield Wall of One!
• Bad-Bard, Bad-Bard, Whatcha' Gonna Do?
• Born in the SCA
• Crag's Lyst, (April Foolish!)
• The Medieval Diner
• Sunny Valhalla SCA Retirement Home
• Secret Stratagems
• Siege Towers 101
• The Boke of the Dyseases le SCadyian
• The Fyne Art of Combat Brewing
• True’s Glossary of…EVIL!, Version 3.0!
• Happy Hanu-Kwana-Solsti-rismas!
• The Fyne art of Feast Warfare
• SCA Heraldic Zodiac Bling
• Welcome to the New Middle Aged-ness
• The Fyne Art of Picking a Nemesis
• A Visit From Sir Sven A Claus

• Class Handouts

A Shield Wall of One!

By: THL Thomas Whitehart

At the last Highland, I was out on the battlefield feeling a bit like Joe Montana. Being a true geek, I know little about football, but they had portable stadium lights out, lighting up the battlefield. I felt rather pro-athletic. I kept thinking I should loose a bolt at someone and yell “Go Long! Go Long!”

After a scenario or two, I saw a smaller, older gent with a bushy mustache, and a big red and black round Drafn shield. It was the only Draco-Wyvern thingie shield there. I walked up and asked the good gentle “Hey, where’s the rest of your shield wall?” He smiled broadly “I AM the Drafn shield wall!” His eyes sparkled, and he slapped on his helmet and called out something like; “Drafn! On the left flank. (pivot) Advance!” He marched away, a shield wall of one. We all laughed, because we had no doubt he would do it, and that he would indeed carry the battle to enemy that day, bringing honor to his unit.

But it did get me thinking about shield walls. Certainly, back in the middle ages (and even in early bronze ages), shield walls were the ultimate bling for the upwardly mobile set. I wondered what it might have been like to command one. Unfortunately, when I ponder things on the battle field, the universe finds a way to help me answer such questions. Three smiling young archers in Horsemen armor, (including an evilly accurate one with pink trim) gave me the benefit of a bolt and arrow broadside, with good distance. Right to my grill... FaaaaWAANG!!!!

There was black swirl of dust, dirt, and tiny dancing draco-wyverns and I found myself on the ground outside “Big Julie’ C’s Shield-wall Emporium.” It seemed to be a busy day on a Byzantine street, with carts and people moving to and fro. “Big Julie C” turned out to be shorter, stocky gentleman with an infectious grin, and an odd smurf-like hat. He darted out to rescue me from being trampled in the street. “Halllooo! Welcome, Welcome! You look like a man looking for a shield wall! Come on in, browse around, give me a wave if you have any questions!” He gave me a push onto the lot and went off to talk to the Spartans.

I could see several Shield wall units standing around the lot with placards on them in several languages. “Low Mileage!!” “All Terrain!!” “Come’s with Archers!!” “Spear God’ upgradeable!!” “Special Terms for Vets!” I wandered about a bit, when I heard a Roman couple arguing. The man was inspecting some Greeks. “Honey, I thought that I got to choose this year. Hoplites are always classic.” The woman rolled her eyes. “Classic shmassic. Let’s try something a little sportier! What about these Celto-Romanos”. I moved on as she started waxing lyrical about how much she liked the “pebble finish on the muscle stadia.”

As I slid between a Norman wall, and some Scythians, I spotted a young prince talking to his father. “Dad, can I have a new Shield Wall? Pleeeasse? All the other princes have new ones!” “Look, Dad, on this one, the file fillers have silver halberds…sweeeet!” The father stopped the young man. “Alexander. Did you train the last one I gave you?” The boy gave an odd looking group a signal. “Sure Dad, check this it out! They can do the “Wave”! The father stared at the unit lifting it’s shield’s rhythmically. “Alex, I don’t think that’s going to be very effective in combat.” The boy looked crestfallen. The father motioned for them to stop.

“How about their testudo? Can they carry a centurion in his chariot on their shields yet?” The young man sullenly shook his head no. Then he brightened. “Dad, I did teach them some Ninja moves! How cool is that?” The boy swaggered toward his father. “There you’ll be coming back from a feast, and some evil army attacks you and “FWAMP!”out pop’s your deadly Ninja Shield-wall!”

There was a clatter, as the boy’s shield-wall attempted the “Deadly Surprising Ninja-Wall” maneuver with some limited success. The father smiled and put his hand on the boy’s shoulder.  “Son, shield walls aren’t meant to be particularly stealthy.” As if to demonstrate a unit of Aurochs roared by with a “hup!-hup!-hup!-hup!”, and I stepped out of the way. The boy was nothing if not determined. “Mine is! Check it out, I’ve even got them cool Ninja-garb.” The father looked closer. “Unh-huh. Are those all of your mother’s oven mitt’s?”

At that point, “Big Julie C” magically appeared at my side, in the manner of sales creatures everywhere. He spoke confidentially as he guided me away. “He’ll buy him another one. Parents these days, can’t refuse their “child prodigy conquerors” anything.” He smiled as we walked. “Of course, when he get’s them home it will be...“No shield-wall’s in the house! They are getting dirt all over the carpets!” “Honey, did you walk the shield-wall? They look like they’re starting the pee-pee dance!” “Big Julie C” could mimic a frustrated mom quite convincingly.

“Big Julie” stopped in front of another unit. “Now, you strike me as man who can appreciate a good shield wall” I looked down at my crossbow with a smile. “You could say that.” He pointed to sturdy looking group with big hammers painted on their shields. “Take this wall here…Solid, reliable, ten miles per barrel of ale...” Just at that moment, another unit came into the lot, (probably as a trade in) and it had the bright colors on their shields that reminded me distinctly of Atenveldt. The wall with the hammers on their shields started to growl ominously. “ Big Julie” eyed the two sides, and he started sidling back quickly. “And did I mention, aggressive? With this one, never a problem getting it to the battlefi…WATCH OUT!”

It was at that point that I realized that yet again, I was in the wrong place, at the wrong time. I vaguely remember a loud crunching noise and pain. When I stood up again, there I was, bathed in the artificial light of the highland war. After a moment I followed that mighty Drafn shield man into battle. After all, he was my kind of shield wall. A friendly one!