SCA

Warning: Spoiler alert! There are articles here that have yet to be published elsewhere. All content copyrights belong to “True Thomas the Storyteller” (Robert Seutter) and/or the SCA. If you would like to re-publish these articles in your SCA newsletters, magazines, etc. please feel free to contact THL Thomas Whitehart (True) and he’ll be glad to help you.

• ABC-SCA, The SCA Alphabet Primer
• A Shield Wall of One!
• Bad-Bard, Bad-Bard, Whatcha' Gonna Do?
• Born in the SCA
• Crag's Lyst, (April Foolish!)
• The Medieval Diner
• Sunny Valhalla SCA Retirement Home
• Secret Stratagems
• Siege Towers 101
• The Boke of the Dyseases le SCadyian
• The Fyne Art of Combat Brewing
• True’s Glossary of…EVIL!, Version 3.0!
• Happy Hanu-Kwana-Solsti-rismas!
• The Fyne art of Feast Warfare
• SCA Heraldic Zodiac Bling
• Welcome to the New Middle Aged-ness
• The Fyne Art of Picking a Nemesis
• A Visit From Sir Sven A Claus

• Class Handouts

The Fyne art of Picking a Nemesis

Or

Damn, he’s good…really, really, good.

By: THL Thomas Whitehart

As a storyteller, I tend to see the world in a metaphorical way or, to put it in another way, as ongoing stories. It just comes with the job description, I think. Car problems are caused by the Infernal Combustion Engines. Parking spaces are found by Invoking Murray, the god of parking. Traffic lights can be changed by singing annoying songs at them. I try to have at least two or three quests a day just to keep fit. (Tip: if you keep your quests small, you succeed a lot more!) I can proudly report having quested for my keys, glasses, and snacks, and having succeeded at least more than once. Chores, like laundry, bills, and other such things, are much more satisfying, if you can vanquish them (with a hearty AH-HA!) One day, as my hyper-active imagination is wont to do, I came to the revelation that I was “Nemesis Deficient.” Sure, I have tons of character building adversity to deal with. (And who ever enrolled me in the crisis of the month club, please, for the love of Joss, take me OFF!)

But in all the traditional stories there is a kind of protagonist/antagonist thing going on. King Arthur has his Mordred. Superman, his Lex Luthor, Sherlock his Moriarty, and so on. Nemeses help challenge the hero, and help create good stories. Batman and Joker would be pretty boring if the Joker went on hiatus for a 5 year publishing junket. Imagine poor “Bat’s” sitting in his cave, drumming his fingers….

Now in the world of literature, the roles of hero and villain are more defined (Villains get to say “Bwahaha!) but in real life, not so much. People in the real world do have their Nemeses, but which person happens to be the villain at the moment depends mainly on which side of the great divide the viewing public is on. {This divide can be summed up briefly as the “chocolate chip cookies, with or without nuts” question. Now, some people use the defining “Mac vs PC, or USC vs UCLA” questions but, generally, people fall on one side or the other.}

So one fine day, I decided, I needed an SCA nemesis. Having done extensive research (by asking my son) I concluded that a nemesis must have certain qualities. In fact, it’s really important to have a Quality Nemesis. When picking your Nemesis, I suggest you look for few important things.

1. They must be impressive. Have that certain style, that certain something. Not necessarily menacing, or glorious, but have the potential to be so.
2. They must be really good or better at some of the things you do. The Napoleon of Crime vs. the Great Detective (intellect), Merlin vs Morgan Le Fay (magic), etc.
3. They must be at least somewhat willing. No point in saying “AH HA!” if you are roundly ignored.
4. They must capable of writing their own lines. Extra points if they can monologue maniacally. Nothing beats a good “I have you now!” or “Curses, foiled again.”

Time passed, and I feared I would never meet that “special some-one.” No Darth Vaders appearing for my Luke. My SCA criteria were that they must share at least two interests with me which, in my case, are barding, brewing, and battle. I considered a well known Bard-ess, famed for her time traveling steed, multi-talents and her ability to be two places at once. Alas, while she certainly kicks fanny bardic-ally, she did not do armed combat, nor brewed. And then there was the “Master Brewer” a gent who can capture sunlight in a bottle, and has no shortage of other impressive skills, but sadly, had just retired his helm, and was only rarely inebr…err…inspired enough to sing. Sigh.

But then, I saw “Him.” At 6’5’’ it was hard to miss him. At a Bardic Event, this Gentleman, whom towered among mere mortals, got up and “rocked the Casbah.” He had a fantastic voice, rich and deep, and technical chops for miles. He had style, he had grace, he “bardically” took over the place. I watched as he did a piece for the kids, where he got down on his knees and did poetry for them, with big eloquent eyes, and he won the hearts of everyone in the room. My thoughts were…”Damn. He’s good. Really, really good.” The next day, I saw him out on the battlefield, and he was every bit as eloquent at expressing himself with bits of rattan. I made friends with the gentleman in question. It turned out that he was not only a trained singer, a retired semi-pro sumo wrestler, and a poet first rate. And a quick wit! Finally, a worthy adversary! In fact, maybe a little too worthy (thinking back on it.)

At a crown tourney a few years, ago, I was one of the low ranking fighters, and so, got to pick the first person I would fight. As I looked at the line of impressive fighters, a helpful young lad next to me started to point to one after another. “How about him? He looks good!” He was pointing to “the sloth-ness” his Majesty, Sir Sven. I demurred. “Uh…too tough.” (Sir Sven went on to win Crown, of course.) After I dismissed one noble “tourney tank” after another, the kid got exasperated and asked me “Well, who ARE you going to fight?” I pointed my sword at Baron Beorn of Northern Sea. The kid looked at me wide eyed. “He’s really big! Are you sure?” I smiled maniacally at him. “Yup- cuz he’s my Nemesis…and since he’s a bard, maybe I’ll get some good press out of it.” He looked at me quizzically, so I explained. “You see, nobody will be surprised if I lose, but if I win...woohoo! Plus he writes fighter poems!”

I lost so fast that the list officer barely had chance to lift the pen up, of course.

Since then, I’ve had the honor of sharing the odd eric, and bardic stage with his Excellency, and I’m glad to call him a friend. He’s been ever so gracious about being labeled “My Nemesis,” even though I suspect he thinks I’m an utter loon. But hey…this is the Society of CREATIVE anachronisms, after all. And I’m all about “Creative.”

Now, if I can only get him to say “Bwahahaaha!!

May all your Nemeses, great or small be foiled!

THL Thomas “All part of my sinister plan” Whitehart is also known as “True Thomas the Storyteller.”