SCA

Warning: Spoiler alert! There are articles here that have yet to be published elsewhere. All content copyrights belong to “True Thomas the Storyteller” (Robert Seutter) and/or the SCA. If you would like to re-publish these articles in your SCA newsletters, magazines, etc. please feel free to contact THL Thomas Whitehart (True) and he’ll be glad to help you.

• ABC-SCA, The SCA Alphabet Primer
• A Shield Wall of One!
• Bad-Bard, Bad-Bard, Whatcha' Gonna Do?
• Born in the SCA
• Crag's Lyst, (April Foolish!)
• The Medieval Diner
• Sunny Valhalla SCA Retirement Home
• Secret Stratagems
• Siege Towers 101
• The Boke of the Dyseases le SCadyian
• The Fyne Art of Combat Brewing
• True’s Glossary of…EVIL!, Version 3.0!
• Happy Hanu-Kwana-Solsti-rismas!
• The Fyne art of Feast Warfare
• SCA Heraldic Zodiac Bling
• Welcome to the New Middle Aged-ness
• The Fyne Art of Picking a Nemesis
• A Visit From Sir Sven A Claus

• Class Handouts

Crag’s Lyst, (April Foolish!)

By: THL Thomas Whitehart

Terribly sorry. It seems the article I wrote, got lost, and some ancient snapshot from “Lord Crag's Lyst” got put in here by mistake. Still, these ads should make for an interesting read for you medieval scholars.

(Authenticity is assured, as they came from Sir Guillaume’s recycling bin.)

Announcements

Uncle Temujin wants YOU to join his ARMY! Great Perks! Steak Tartar every night! See the World! Meet NEW People! Pillages in the villages and other fun activities await! Interested? Stop by the Rath of Khan located by the Yellow River of Tetchas and Make your Mark!

Dread Lord Magnus’s Funereal: Dragon ship funereal pyre on hold till we patch the leaks in the rowboat. Or until the other ship owners come back.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again! King Louis VII needs YOU! for the Second Crusade! See the world, meet new people, and find Eternal Reward as you Smite the Godless Infidel with your Fists of Righteousness! Second, third, fourth, fifth, andillegitimate sons welcome! Toursspan fromsixmonths to the rest of your life, which-ever is longer! Report in at any major church or town center.Fists of Righteousness not provided.

GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS! St. Clare's Franciscan Order wants girls--must be Italian, Catholic, between 15-40! No experience necessary! Will train! Guaranteed lifetime employment! VIRTUE REQUIRED! Signing bonus for visions andmiracles! Send carrier pigeon to Francis@stclaires.god.

Only you can Save the Mything! Where have all the mythical animals gone? Petition your lord to put Griffins, Unicorns, and other Heraldic creatures on the Endangered list and off the menu! Contact the Unknowne Worlds Wildlife Federation.

Help Wanted

Part Time Headsman needed for opening in London. Contact Henry_8@tudor.gov

Wanted: 70 brave sailors to sail off the edge of the world. Meet at Docks on Friday.

Moc.VDL@suineg_evitaerc tcatnoC, sthgieh htiw elbatrofmoc eb tsum stnacilppA .noitatropsnart latnemirepxe yranoitulover fo gnitest eht ni aid ot ecitnerppa gnikees rotnevnI/tsitrA

Wanted-Knight Errant Great pay and benefits! Must be willing to travel, have own horse, armor and weapons. Experience not necessary, bilingual skills preferred. Contact K_Richard@crusades.org/mobile

For Sale or Trade

For Sale- Broadsword, shield, chainmail and helmet, will trade for archery equipment and beer, OBO. Contact old_crusader@sherwood.com

Husky, Varna Viking sewing machine for sale - dimensions 40 - 28 - 36. Ask for Betty.

USED LUTE FOR SALE Good for new bardic students, ladies-in-waiting, or courtly fops. Married off by my liege lord, and must sell to pay for my lady's new ribbons. Contact Furevarr Tunyng, just off Key Road.

Armour for sale: several small dents, one hole. Make offer.- Frenchie@crecy.com

Giant Horse, slightly used, hidden compartment for carrying? Exchange or Barter for ?
Spartan Hills ask for “Big Julie C”

For Sale: Chastity belts of assorted sizes. Low mileage, they don't need them any more. Irish made. BB Locksmith services.

Services

General Contractors Services Offered. You have it we can fix it, upgrade it or remove it. No project to small or to large. Retaining Walls our Specialty. Hadrian Construction.

For lease or rent- One reconditioned Shield Wall. Plenty of war-time mileage left. Make your archers happy! We deliver! See us at Iron-Brigade, Martinmas.

Wanted: Beacon Technician. Contact Castle Anthrax

Home Security Services. Demand the very best in home protection call Praetorian Guard Services. We protect your home like it is our castle. Ask for this weeks special "Imperial Package." Quintus Ostorius Scapula

Bring out your dead! No really! Drop them out in the street every fortnight or so, we will pick them up for you. Sweeny's EZ Recycling

Personals

Tristan vs Tramtrist-Come on- even you aren’t that blond! Magic potion my aunt fanny! Not buying it for a moment- K. Mark

Ivan, I love you. We can work it out, Rebecca

Irish Spanish Mongol fantasy Faerie Pirate seeks same for energetic romp through pilgrimages and faires. Sybil@mps.com

Me, future king of England standing on shore, you rising out of lake holding sword...Didn't get your number...can I keep the sword?

Varius, come home. All is forgiven Augustus. P.S. Please bring my Legions with you.

Skin Changers Anonymous- Same Time and Place. (p.s. Lay off the rose bushes!)

Lost/Found/ Stolen/Missing:

Lost. One harp. Last seen in Sam Fram's Disco.–Contact Tally, Blwerm Wales.

Lost and Found: Found One large document nailed to front door bearing initials "M. L.". Contact Grand Inquisitor, Vatican City.

Missing: Wife and Boat. Reward for Boat's safe return. Contact Leif Ericksson.

Stolen, One very large stone Scone. Reward! Contact Lord Lyons or any member of Family Stewart/Stuart.

Real Estate

Investment opportunity! Build your own castle in the highlands and reap the rewards. Special offer- first 100 investors receive Prima-Noctis certificate good at any local village or convent. Small down payment and easy terms. Contact Ed_Long_Shanks@conquest.gov. The best deals are steals!

For Sale, Excellent Summer Home and Retreat. Finest Mediterranean Weather. Excellent Views! Newly Constructed entrance road. Former owners recently vacated. Satisfied visitors are legion. Estate Sale! Come and See for yourself, #1 Masada Escarpment. Ask for Lucius Flavius Silva

WTB: new Viking homeland, riverfront properties preferred; price negotiable. We promise no slaughtering current residents. HBlueTooth@pillage.com

Yard Sales

FRIDAY! FRIDAY FRIDAY! Everything must go! Tunics, chainmail, swords, spears, siege weapons and holy relics. No Reasonable offer refused! St. Peters Square. Contact: templar_liquidators@vatican.org

Products

Out! Out! Damn Spot! remover - take care of even the most stubborn stains with this handy midnight finger wash. Gets out the most stubborn stains from midnight sacrifices to normal kitchen duties. WARNING: does not work on the imaginary blood of Scottish kings. Available at most Market days!

“Used Siege Ammo” Arbalest, Catapult, Onager- We have it all. Really effective and tested. Slightly used. We also deliver! R.Ransomed@CrumbledCastle.com

Buy your lady a Venomous Sheep, and she’ll knit you chain mail all year! Finest quality steel wool.{All sales final, not responsible for any maimings, fires, etc. Prey not included. Venomous Sheep are NOT waterproof.} G.Cambrensis@Ireland.com