SCA

Warning: Spoiler alert! There are articles here that have yet to be published elsewhere. All content copyrights belong to “True Thomas the Storyteller” (Robert Seutter) and/or the SCA. If you would like to re-publish these articles in your SCA newsletters, magazines, etc. please feel free to contact THL Thomas Whitehart (True) and he’ll be glad to help you.

• ABC-SCA, The SCA Alphabet Primer
• A Shield Wall of One!
• Bad-Bard, Bad-Bard, Whatcha' Gonna Do?
• Born in the SCA
• Crag's Lyst, (April Foolish!)
• The Medieval Diner
• Sunny Valhalla SCA Retirement Home
• Secret Stratagems
• Siege Towers 101
• The Boke of the Dyseases le SCadyian
• The Fyne Art of Combat Brewing
• True’s Glossary of…EVIL!, Version 3.0!
• Happy Hanu-Kwana-Solsti-rismas!
• The Fyne art of Feast Warfare
• SCA Heraldic Zodiac Bling
• Welcome to the New Middle Aged-ness
• The Fyne Art of Picking a Nemesis
• A Visit From Sir Sven A Claus

• Class Handouts

The Fyne Art of Combat Brewing

By: THL Thomas Whitehart

The SCA can proudly boast some of the finest brewers in the land. SCA brewers have done well in mundane competitions, and our Judges (at least here in Caid) use the same judging standards (BJCP) as our outside colleagues do. But our judges have experience with things that you probably won’t see too much at county fairs. For instance, a lot of folks outside of the SCA don’t know what Mead, is, let alone that meads have almost as many styles and varieties as modern wines do. And since we have all of history to play with, SCA brewers often drag the weird and unusual recipes out of the dusty corners of the past and try to recreate or re-invent them. It’s always fun to enter these into a local fair just to see what they think of them. “Jim, do we have a category for fermented mares milk? Uh-uh. How about a “Metheglin?”” I know that when I entered my Capsicumel (a Hot pepper mead) on the judging sheets, the notes said “HOT-HOT-HOT!” and “!!!!” which I can only interpret as a good sign.

If you ever get a chance to watch a brewing judging, it’s somewhat like watching a chess match, with lots and lots of bottles. Our judges are brave and intrepid. “What do we have next?” “Let’s see, a Lavender infused Kumquat Braggot…and it’s got floaties.” “Sigh. Bring it on.” As we all know, one man’s tasty beverage, is another man’s toxic waste hazard. At one of these judgings, the judges can taste cordials, meads, beers, ales, vinegars, hypocris, sodas, sekajubins and alcohol infused deserts, risking life and palate in the process.

A few Highland wars ago, I submitted a sparkling black-cherry/raspberry mead for the competition. Now in my own defense, as with many hobbyists in the SCA, we are learning as we go along. It would seem that my mead had way too much SPARKLE! Poor Master Donal (who’s personal battle cry is “Here, TRY THIS!”) barely turned the wire cage on the bottle and it ripped out of his hand. A solid shaft of purple foam went 14 ft. straight up, like a hydraulic fountain in Vegas. The beverage coated a large area of the underside of the pavilion roof, and allowed the judges to share in that pop classic “Purple Rain.” The crack and subsequent ricochet of the cork is now the stuff of legends. Judging sheets, and light colored garb were soaked. After we stopped my lady Inga from laughing hysterically, a break was called, the ceiling was mopped (Danke, Wilhelm!) and, bless them, the judges sat down and resumed, with much decorum. The cork was found nine angles away in the men’s restroom. Needless to say, my next bottles were opened away from the judges with people yelling “FIRE IN THE HOLE!” The brave man who opened them may have created a whole new career as a “Hydro-Pyro-Technician.” Any power outages and loss of orbital satellites are purely coincidental, and not my fault.

The truth is, that SCA Brewers might be all a bit mad. Pretty much every one of them has a “sploda-pop” “bottle-bomb” story. Stories of chain-reacting- bottles are the war stories traded by veteran brewers. It’s my theory that those ancient drawings of bombasts and petards used to blow up castle walls, were not examples of early gunpowder, but instead of some vat of peach flavored anything (well known for it’s “splodify-ing” potential.)

Brewers have further challenges- convincing your family that having the bathroom full of bubbling carboys is a good thing, as is sitting in front of the TV peeling 50lbs of your neighbors lemons. If you see someone going thru the bottles behind a fancy restaurant, it might not be hobo, it instead might be a friend of an SCA brewer doing a bit of personal recycling. Brewing ingredients (fruit, honey, hops, etc.) can be pretty expensive, as can the equipment. It can take months to lovingly produce a mead, and mere minutes to see the entire batch consumed with a hearty mass “YUMMY!” Ah, pay no attention to the white-faced brewer clutching their chest with a horrified look.

In situations such as these, sometimes brewers might knock out a “War Wine” or two using cheaper ingredients (available, in say, the freezer section at Vons) for the express purpose of taking it to war. These can often times turn out just as tasty, and can satisfy the vast hordes of thirsty friends. A friend of mine recently submitted one of his knock off “war-wines” at county fair, in competition with many others. It won first place!

The art of brewing in the SCA is much like the SCA itself- weird, sometimes surprising, and more than occasionally wonderful. Another war or event is always a few months away- so for the brewers, it’s always time to “Cry Havoc and Ferment the Brews of WAR!” See you there……and bring a cup! - Skoal!

For Questions about the Caidan Brewers guild check out... http://brewers.sca-caid.org/